In California, parents who disagree about custody or visitation must attend mediation through the court’s Family Court Services before a judge decides the issue. A trained mediator meets with the parents to help them build a parenting plan. In some counties, if parents do not agree, the mediator also makes a written recommendation to the judge, which makes preparation especially important.
For many parents, mediation is the first time they sit across from the other parent in a structured setting. Knowing how the session works and what the mediator is looking for can shape the outcome of your custody case.
Why California Requires Custody Mediation
Under California Family Code section 3170, the court must refer parents to mediation when custody or visitation is contested. The goal is to reduce conflict and reach an agreement that focuses on the child’s best interests. Court-provided mediation is free of charge. Parents may also choose private mediation in addition to, or in some cases instead of, the court program.
Recommending and Non-Recommending Counties
| Type | What Happens If Parents Do Not Agree |
|---|---|
| Recommending counseling | The counselor writes a recommendation to the judge about custody and visitation, and the judge may give it significant weight |
| Non-recommending mediation | Sessions stay confidential, and the mediator does not make a recommendation to the court |
California counties set their own approach, so practices differ across Los Angeles, Orange, San Diego, Sacramento, Santa Clara, and other counties. Ask the court or your attorney which model your county uses before the session, because it changes how you should prepare.
What Happens During the Session
- Parents usually complete an orientation or intake form before the session.
- The mediator explains the process and confidentiality rules for that county.
- Each parent describes the current schedule and their concerns.
- The mediator focuses the discussion on the child’s routine, school, and needs.
- If parents agree, the mediator helps write the agreement for submission to the court.
- If parents do not agree, the case returns to court, with or without a recommendation.
When there is a history of domestic violence, parents can ask to meet with the mediator separately, and the court must accommodate that request.
What the Mediator Looks For
Mediators look for a parent who focuses on the child, is flexible about practical details, and is willing to support the child’s relationship with the other parent unless there is a safety concern. They pay attention to stability: school, activities, health care, and how exchanges will work. Parents who spend the session attacking the other parent rarely help their position.
How to Prepare
- Bring a proposed parenting schedule, including weekdays, weekends, and holidays.
- Know your child’s school schedule, activities, and medical needs.
- Bring any relevant documents, such as school reports or a log of missed visits.
- Think through exchange locations, transportation, and communication methods.
- Be ready to explain concerns calmly, with specific examples.
An attorney usually does not attend court mediation, but meeting with one beforehand helps you set realistic goals and understand how your proposal fits California custody law. Learn more about our California child custody practice.
After Mediation
If you reach an agreement, it is typically submitted to the judge and becomes a court order once signed. If you do not, the judge will hear the case, and in a recommending county, the counselor’s report may be central evidence. Parents can respond to or challenge a recommendation, which often requires preparation with counsel. Custody decisions also connect to support and other issues covered by our California family law team, as well as the broader divorce process when parents are separating.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is custody mediation mandatory in California?
Yes, when custody or visitation is contested, the court must refer parents to mediation before deciding the issue.
What is recommending counseling in California?
A process in which the counselor recommends a course of action to the judge if parents do not reach an agreement.
Can my lawyer attend custody mediation?
Usually not in court-connected mediation, but you can meet with your lawyer before and after the session.
What if there is domestic violence?
You can request separate sessions, and the court must provide them.
What happens if we do not agree in mediation?
The case goes back to the judge, who decides custody based on the child’s best interests.
Talk to a California Custody Attorney
Wade Litigation helps parents across California prepare for custody mediation and present their case in court when agreement is not possible. When you call (408) 214-5225 for a free evaluation, our team will ask about your child, your current schedule, and your concerns, then explain how mediation works in your county and how to prepare.
Clients Throughout California
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